


Stone Wall Stone Fence

by risokura



Category: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25716616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risokura/pseuds/risokura
Summary: To answer your question, there was someone. AU.
Relationships: Lightning/Oerba Yun Fang
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	Stone Wall Stone Fence

**Author's Note:**

> I started this over ten years ago on fanfiction.net and never finished it. Well, here’s a stab at doing just that. Anticipate this being three to four chapters at best. This first chapter is the culmination of the first four chapters I previously wrote.

-X-

_  
stone wall stone fence_

** grace **

-X-

_Envision the beach._

_Are the skies clear? Not a cloud in sight? What about the sun? How bright is it? Can you feel the warmth of the sun? It's hot, isn't it? Yes, yes it is._

_Are you alone? No? Then who are you with? Who are they? How important are they to you? Very important, you say? That's nice to hear._

_What about the beach? Tell me what that's like. The sand …what is it like? Does the sand fall between your fingers as you pick it up? Do it's grains get stuck in the groves of your fingers, embedded in your nails? Are you watching it drift out of your hand, seeking placement somewhere else? How pure is this sand? Is it pure and pristine, untouchable by human hand? Or has it been marred, turned grey and polluted with the weight of the world? Does it speak of the death of mother earth?_

_Pure and pristine, you say? Well then …_

_What about the water? You said the sand was pristine and pure, was it not? Does the water reflect this quality? Can you hear the ocean crashing as it meets the shore? How close are you to this water? What about the color of the ocean? Does it reflect the incandescence of the sun? Is it warm or is it cool? Do you even want to swim? Or do you want to stay here with this person just watching this scene before you and taking in all that is?_

_Let's talk about the ocean again. It is as if it stretches on for miles. The thought seems a bit frightening, doesn't it? From where you are sitting, perched on top of the safety of the sand, you can see that it appears to have no end. Yet, you were taught that everything must begin and end somewhere, weren't you?_

_… Can you think about what it would be like to swim across the very expanse of this ocean? Starting here, in this place where everything seems right, you think you can do it, can't you? You think you can keep going? However, leaving the shore ...you find that things aren't exactly as they appear to be. The shore is easy to breech, the waves are docile here and you easily wade into the water, right? What about the person you left behind on the shore? What are they doing? They don't seem to object, do they? Maybe it is all right._

_Your legs become completely submerged within the ocean; you find you're still okay, right? How bold are you? How brave are you? Maybe you should go further …it couldn't hurt, could it? First your legs, your abdomen, and then you're up to your shoulders in the water. What now?_

_Perhaps you should spare a glance at the person on the shore? What are they doing? They're still watching you aren't they? Silent, but still watching? Is that panic you see on their face? No? Are you imagining it? Were you not audacious but a few minutes ago? What is happening? Can you swim? Well, you must be able to if you're out here._

_What about the sky? The sun? Where have they gone? They were here a few moments ago. Things seem to be changing, don't they? The person on the shore has risen, they're steadily advancing toward the shoreline and they seem to be saying something to you, something that you can't make out. Does this worry you? It should, shouldn't it?_

_And the ocean? Do you panic when you can no longer feel the ocean floor benqeath your feet? All you feel is the water beneath your feet, you say? Can you feel the change in the ocean—a shift so subtle it catches you off guard before you can even react? You miss the first wave before you can react. It grips your entire being, submerging you within the salty water. You know this is trouble now and you need to get out of here, but how?_

_Perhaps this is what the person on the shore was trying to warn you about._

_Can they even see you? Do they even care? They must care, right? Didn't you say they were important to you? Where are they when you need them? Where have they gone? You mustn't panic. Panicking will only worsen the situation. Yet you ask yourself, how much worse can this get? Can you brave the torrential waves the crash down upon your head, swallowing you within the waves of a violent storm? Do they swarm over your head, the undertow only pulling you further away from land? Can you even see above the waves anymore, seeing that last fleeting glimpse of sunlight as darkening clouds quickly gather overhead?_

_What is it like when the ocean finally pulls you under? Is it dark, devoid of warmth and destitute? Do you feel the pressure building in your chest as you're pulled further into its depths, feeling the air squeezed from your lungs as you fade from consciousness… There's no hand reaching through the waves to pull you back. No helping hand, no one there. They are telling you to submit, give in and stop fighting, this is the course of life. Do you realize that it's always been you and only you from the start of things?_

_What does it feel like? What goes through your mind in those final moments? Do you think of the life you could have lived? Or perhaps you try to reach out, escape the suffering of the abysmal darkness and fight to break through the waves and reclaim your life._

_Forget those memories of the warmth of the sun, the smell of the ocean, the sand between your fingers. Forget the memories of that special person you brought with you. Forget the memories of a peaceful shoreline before you entered this ocean. Forget everything you once knew, everything you once dreamed about. Close your eyes, float gently through the water and allow it to carry you along with it's currents._

_Submit? Why ...of course it's the only way._

_Because you have yet to realize that no matter how hard you fight, you're already destined to die._

-X-

_I ask myself, what is a perfect world?_

_In a perfect world would we be able to do what we wanted, when we yearned to …without a care or thought to how it affected the people around us? Would we live without the fear of what the consequences of our actions would bring? Or the conscience of our guilt ruling us? Would we be able to get through life without fully thinking of the right course of action? But is that really such a perfect world?_

_We are taught as children that hurting others is wrong, yet people still do it. People still kill and still destroy each other. And what for? It's all for the notion of, they were hurt first . And yet, they're even more lessons that precede even this—two wrongs don't make a right, the golden rule—I could go on. And then what after that? What if these people still seek to harm others and destroy peace instead of trying to foster it? What can we do? What should we do?_

_If we lived in a perfect world there would be no need for rules. What about a God? Would a perfect world accept the notion of God? Would we need someone governing over us just in case things did go wrong? But …things would be perfect …so what would we need the guidance for?_

_What if we create a perfect world for ourselves inside of an imperfect world? People do that all the time don't they? They deny the cold hard truth of the matter and blatantly ignore everything else, just so they can retain some semblance of sanity._

_Maybe that's why I came to Oerba. To escape the visions of my imperfect world. Why Oerba? …Why, there was nothing special about Oerba. Maybe that's why I chose to come here in the first place._

_The skies were identical to, if not the same exact blue, as the ones in Bodhum. The overwhelming smell of the nearby ocean wasn't as prominent, but it was somewhat there. The inconsistencies in the temperature were probably the major difference between the two cities._

_Where it was always clear skies and sunshine in Bodhum, Oerba had a fair share of warmth and chill, accompanied by rain and sunshine on varying days. The mountainous terrain also brought a change of pace from the flat and level land of Bodhum, also. Overall, apart from the accents of the natives that lived here and subtle differences in customs, it was just like any other city back on Cocoon._

_But perhaps I underestimated Oerba._

_It was on day a week or so after I had first moved there. The sky was clear that morning, the harsh rays of the sun burning overhead—by all respects, most people would consider it to be a beautiful day for late summer. It was a first for me, seeing as in the short time that I had been here, it seemed to do nothing but rain. And now …seeing as the weather was no longer proving formidable, I decided that perhaps I should step outside my apartment and perhaps discover this place that I chose to be the relief from my imperfect world._

- x-

There was no such thing as a perfect world for Lightning Farron.

At the age of twenty one she was already convinced the world was an asinine place, devoid of anything worthwhile. She'd long given up on the notion that the world could be anything but perfect, or at the least—worth living for. She had woken up in the early morning, her heart empty and her mind blank. From her bedroom window she could see that the rain from the last three days had stopped and the sky was beginning to turn to a light blue as the sun would creep out from the horizon at any moment. It was in this moment that she decided that this would be the morning that she would jump.

After sitting quietly through her customary cup of morning green tea, and changing out of her sleepwear, she was on her way. Leaving her tea cup in the kitchen sink, she left her apartment to climb up the eight flights of stairs to the roof top. By time she got to the roof, she could see the sun peeking out from behind the mountains in the distance. She stood there, watching in silence as the sun came up over the horizon little by little, the sky surrounding it becoming brightly illuminated.

As if on cue, her legs took her to the edge of the building where she hoisted herself up over the ledge and sat there, swaying gently in the wind as she stared down at the ground below. Now it was all a matter of pushing off into the drop below. However, it would seem that Fate was trying to plan an intervention before Lightning went through with what she had planned.

"Well then …Etro finally decided it was my turn to live out the cliché, yeah? Probably said out loud to herself,  Fang , you haven't been doing shit but sitting around on your ass and making a bunch of bloody god awful paintings. Let's see what I can do to spice things up for you today, hm?"

Lightning didn't even bother to look up when she heard the voice. She knew it was a possibility that someone could find her up here, and she couldn’t care in the least. As long as they didn't interfere with her by spouting off some boring old speech about how life was worth living and how this wasn't the proper way to go about things, she didn't care if they were around. Not like anyone knew her in this place anyway. What sensible person would feel remorse over the death of someone they barely knew?

But they were right, this was a giant cliché—no way to escape  that truth. People always heard of, had seen in movies or in some instances, for a minuscule part of the population, witnessed firsthand.

"So, what's your story?" The voice seemed to travel behind her back and ended up somewhere to her left. She heard the person fumbling around with something and finally a loud clacking sound hit the floor as they opened up whatever they were messing with. "Bad break up with a boyfriend? Swimming in debt? Did your dog die? If it's the last one, I can help you out with that. I've got this little yappy fox looking thing that never shuts the hell up. My little sister—she's off in Eden right now—gave it a stupid name too,  Bhakti.  What in the hell kind of name is that?"

Why in the world was this woman still talking to her? Why wasn't she trying to convince her to move away from the ledge?

"Still not talking, huh? Don't worry, I'm not here to change your mind. Just wanna get some painting ...or drawing done. Something instead of lazing about the house, you know?" Her voice was still as light and peppy as it had been for the entire time she had been up on the roof with Lightning. "So why today of all days, hm? It's beautiful today, just look at that sky. The damn rain finally stopped …damn Oerba and its insufferable random weather." She paused, and fumbled with what sounded like a sheet of paper, "So …what? Did you just wake up today and say damn it all?"

The more this woman seemed to talk, the less inclined Lightning seemed to jump at the moment. The idea seemed novel when it first crossed her mind. Admittedly the whole concept was unsatisfactory for someone of her character, but even the strongest fall at times. Her current mental state was proof of that—did it really matter anymore?

It wasn't as though the idea of living preceded her thoughts of dying, but this woman …she was a character and for some reason Lightning …felt a little inclined to listen to her peculiar one sided banter. So she decided to turn around to see who this audacious woman that didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that there was a suicidal woman perched on the ledge in front of her.

The first thing Lightning noticed about her …was everything.

There was her fly away black hair, of which tips looked red in the brilliance of the sunlight. Her bronzed skin, coupled with the intensity in her emerald eyes giving her a bit of an exotic appeal. Her mouth was quirked slightly to the left—she was painting. Or drawing …or doing something (like she had said) with that easel in front of her. Around her neck hung two necklaces, her ears adorned with amethyst earrings and her left arm was wrapped in multicolored bangles. Her clothing was a simple black t-shirt and over-sized, paint splattered overalls which covered the sandals she wore on her feet.

She had a pen behind her right ear and was currently drawing something onto the easel in front of her. She wiped her hands on the towel she had thrown over her right shoulder and glanced at Lightning again and instantly smiled when she saw the woman was looking back at her.

"Well, hello. You can hear me, huh? For a second I thought I was talking to a mute." Her grin only intensified as she cocked her head to the side, "Who knew such a pretty face was hiding behind that flaxen hair, hm? So, got a name?"

Lightning still didn't answer, so she continued to keep on talking.

"Well, I guess since you're a little shy, I should introduce myself first, yeah? Oerba Yun Fang." She said, turning her attention back to her easel. "But Fang is just fine."

Lightning watched as Fang would break her concentration from the easel ever so often to look back at the sun that was now hanging lowly in the sky. Her expression would drop every now and then whenever she took a moment to study her surroundings and then apply it to whatever she was drawing. The chill from the early morning was dispersing and the air was steadily becoming warmer. Fang glanced back at Lightning and cocked her head to the side.

"Still feel like jumping?" She asked, when she saw Lightning look away from her and turned her attention back toward the ground. "Mmm, well, I guess we all have those days. Not like I haven't thought about it myself. You know, if I were to do it, I think I'd pick the dreariest day to do so. Cause you see when it rains, the rain would probably make the scene a whole lot messier than need be, you know, with all my brains, blood and guts washing out into the street. …However, when it's all sunny and shit you've got all the heat that would probably make the smell of a dead body ten times worse. …More people would probably see you when it's sunny, too. Might hit someone, too, now that I think about it. Hell, that's what people want to see on a beautiful day. Sunny fried blood and guts spread across the sidewalk. Yum. Perfect way to start the mornin'."

Lightning stared down at the street below. It was a sixteen story drop. Sixteen stories to end it all and be done with all of this. …But would fate allow her?

Gripping the ledge behind her, she pushed herself back slightly so that her thighs were no longer extending over the surface of the ledge. Slowly but surely, she hoisted her body back from the ledge, gripping the edges firmly with slightly sweaty palms and brought her shaking legs back to the flooring of the roof. Fang said nothing as she seemed to be absorbed in whatever she was doing on her easel. Lightning stared at her for a moment before turning around and making her way back to the stairwell.

"That a girl." Fang said, not even sparing a glance at Lightning as soon as her hand grasped the handle for the stairwell door. Lightning briefly turned around look at the woman's backside, "Save it for another day, hun. You're far too beautiful to die just yet."

- x -

"Thank you."

Lightning nodded courteously to the waitress as she set the tea saucer down in front of her. The woman bowed her head graciously in return before walking off to the counter to take another order from the barista's. She fingered the porcelain cup gently before raising it to her mouth, sipping at the hot tea and placing it back down on its plate.

The small café was always a hub of activity in the early light of the morning. The ever present jingle of the door opening and closing every few seconds, the chatter of patrons ordering their morning coffee or tea and drooling over the assortment of pastries enclosed behind glass windows. Everyone seemed to be pressed for time, all in a rush to get somewhere that very morning. She sipped at her tea again, watching a group of teenage girls enter and all order lattes while chatting happily among themselves. Not too soon after they had ordered, a business man dashed into the café, nervously tapping his feet and consistently checking his watch as he waited for his coffee. A mother and her son were trying to decide on which sweet they would buy that morning and subsequently share together.

Lightning? She would never work in a place like this. Too many people. Too many liabilities. Too much smiling. Checking her watch, she made a silent note of the time. She brought the cup of tea to her lips again, watching how the group of teenage girls seemed to giggle when one of their friends received a piece of paper from one of the barista's behind the counter. They all shouted out thanks, and then crowded around their friend as they left the store in even louder banter than when they had entered the store. The business man was gone and the mother and the son had finally settled on ordering a croissant.

Lightning glanced out the window, bringing the tea cup to her lips again.

Her mind was still a bit frazzled from the events of that morning. Her resolve of death had left her alone for the time being, as she let herself exist in the moment rather than fighting it like she always had. The coldness of her heart still remained but her mind had somewhat awoken from its near catatonic state.

And then there was that woman.

How could she be so brash and comfortable with someone about to commit suicide right in front of her? She was so nonchalant with the whole thing that it was almost inhuman. What was her name again? Fang? 

She hadn't anticipated someone like  that  finding her up on the roof like that. Someone comfortable with the notion of death? That didn't see the point in trying to convince someone otherwise? It was as if the woman was leaving her to make a choice, while subtly telling her to do otherwise. It was a strange encounter, she'd have to admit. One that she would probably never forget.

Lightning had no idea why what she said made her want to step away from the ledge …but that woman had gotten in the way of things. She knew the feelings would return when she awoke in the morning and what was left undone today would be finished tomorrow.

Fate wouldn't intervene a second time, she'd make sure of it.

Finding her cup empty and the last dregs of tea floating idly in the bottom, she set the cup back on the saucer and pushed it over to the side of the table. She got to her feet, straightening her white shirt as she made her way over to the exit of the café. The hostess waved gingerly to her as she exited, and she nodded politely back as she pushed open the door and stepped out onto the road that led back to her apartment building.

- x-

"Two days in a row, huh? I'd say maybe we should start making a date of things, yeah?"

Lightning had returned to the roof early the next morning feeling the exact same way as she had been the previous day. Empty heart, blank mind, barren soul. She'd gone through the exact same motions as the other morning. Drink her tea, strip off her sleep wear, and then make the trek up eight flights of stairs to the roof.

Fang appeared around the same time that she had the other morning, chipper and lively as usual. Instead of finding her on the ledge this morning, the pale woman was standing before the ledge, arms crossed over her chest and her head bowed in thought.

"Guess that talk yesterday didn't help, uh …" She paused, scratching her head in thought, "That's right, you never gave me your name yesterday." She adjusted the sleeves of her denim shirt as she laid her painting supplies down so she could erect the easel again. "Are you going to tell me today? I don't think it's by chance that we keep meeting like this."

"Where do you get off talking to me like this?" Lightning snapped, her fingers tightening around the fabric of her shirt.

"Whatever do you mean?" Fang asked innocently, turning her gaze away from the easel and focusing it on Lightning, "I've done nothing wrong, love. Even if you don't respond, I've never seen a written rule in this world that says you can't talk to people if you feel like it. And if you have seen it, let me know. Not that I'd give a damn, I'd break it in a heartbeat."

"Why would you talk to someone if they don't care about what you have to say, about you or what you're doing?

"Mmm, because I want to." Fang started as she began to trace over the easel in charcoal, "You never know what someone might be feeling on any given day. Thought maybe you needed someone to talk to."

Lightning could feel her heart hammering in her chest. Perhaps out of fear, frustration or anxiety. Whatever it was, something about this situation was just off to her. Like she shouldn't be doing this. She gazed up to the sky, watching the sun disperse the shadows of the night once again. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting the wind pass over her as she stood still, trying to gain her composure.

"Let me tell you something, Sunshine. Mind if I call you that since I don't have your name?" Fang started, looking up at Lightning's backside for clarification. When the strawberry blonde woman didn't bother turning around, she shrugged and went on with what she was about to say. "If you were really hell bent on killing yourself, you would have jumped already. No one is stopping you, not even me. Goes against my nature to try and convince people out of what they want for themselves …or lack thereof."

Lightning stood poised at the edge, not dignifying Fang with a response. The morning was quiet except for the gentle scrap of charcoal against paper coming from Fang's direction and the chirping of the birds below. Her grip was still tightly wound around the fabric of her shirt.

"If you're going for the shock value that we discussed yesterday, you should do it now. You know, so everyone wakes up to a nice amount of exploded human remains on the sidewalk." Fang murmured. "…Or are you having second thoughts like yesterday?"

"No."

Fang looked up at Lightning, for a moment and then licked her lips. She set her charcoal down on the corner of the easel, waited a moment and then walked over to where Lightning was standing at the edge of the roof. Lightning silently watched her shuffle off her black flip flops and then stepped up onto the ledge barefoot. "What if I go with you? Is that what you're afraid of? Going alone? Would you be okay if someone held your hand all the way down, knowing that you didn't go alone?"

Lightning couldn't believe this woman. First she comes up to the roof and completely dismisses the notion of Lightning trying to kill herself, and now she's encouraging it. She unfolded her arms from her chest, shaking her head slightly, "You're crazy."

It was the first time Fang saw any emotion enter those cornflower blue eyes. "Well that's a new record. You've only met me twice and already you're calling me crazy." Fang gave a hearty laugh. "Well? Are you going to jump or what? I can stand around here all day need be."

Lightning looked up at her, seeing a challenge in her emerald eyes. "Get down from there."

"Nope, you first, Sunshine. Are you?" Fang shook her head, hands on her hips.

"Why are you doing this?" Lightning asked, once again evading her question.

"Why are you?" Fang countered, cocking her head to the side.

The challenge was still there, Lightning could feel it. She dropped her gaze, turning away from the tan woman. She didn't have to put up with this. No amount of wanting to jump was worth being harassed by this insane woman who  said  she didn't care if she killed herself but seemed to be hell bent on bothering her.

"No answer, hm?" Fang asked, eyebrows rising in question.

She met Lightning's eyes for as long as she could before the pale woman turned away from Fang, and started to walk away. Fang watched her shoulders stiffen with each step that she took, and the way her fists steadily balled up into fists the further she got away from the edge of the roof. It was so much that Fang couldn't resist.

"Guess we'll try this again tomorrow, Sunshine?" Fang called after her as she jumped down from the edge and stuck her feet into her flip flops, a grin breaking out onto her face.

Lightning's only answer was letting the stairwell door slam shut behind her.

-X-

_There is supposed to be a feeling of ease that is attributed to the sky … in the air. When I look to the endless expanse of blue, I can envision nothing but pure, unadulterated freedom._

_I see the ability to do whatever I want with my life. I imagine cracked confinements, my soul becoming unshackled from the trivialities of living. I would be allowed to just drift among the wind currents as they gently carry and push me wherever they may please. Surrounded by all of its essence, gone is the feeling of being grounded._

_And yet, to juxtapose all of this, there are atrocities that are birthed from this majestic item of phantasmal worth. Lightning. Thunder. Flashing and ripping through the sky, tearing it asunder. Crashing, fleeting, destroying, and dispersing a calm that once existed._

_We look at this and think; perhaps the promise of freedom comes at some price. We are only allowed to float or fly above the clouds for so long before we must succumb to the will of something outside our realm of power. The lightning and thunder bring destruction and ravage the world, leaving us with only broken shards from which we are to gather ourselves up and begin again—a former shell of what was, rather than what is._

_And perhaps, we will look at this and think … that this sky …the air?_

_It isn't so liberating after all._

-x-

It was raining on the last day of summer.

Lightning woke that morning to the distant rumble and snapping of thunder and lightning in the distance. She arose from bed, pushing the white duvet off of her shoulders, and watched the sky flash white. A crackle followed in its wake. She could smell the distant promise of rain through one of the windows that she had cracked by her bed.

Without a second thought, Lightning turned her attention from the skies outside, rose from her bed and shuffled across her room to the adjacent bathroom. Following her quick shower, she brushed her teeth, dressed and went to the kitchen to pour her morning cup of green tea.

It was on the last day of summer that Lightning finally stepped onto the ledge.

There was no wind that morning. Just long tendrils of dark grey in the sky followed by the ominous sounds of the passing thunder and lightning. It had begun to rain lightly as she stood on top of the grey slab of cement, fingers balled into tight fists, her head turned in defiance to the heavens.

The rain had begun to fall gently, but steadily, encasing her body in it's mellow symphony. It slid along her cheeks, splattering wetly across her nose and lips and moistening the tips of her eyes. Her light hair steadily darkened, matting itself against her cheeks and forehead. As she stood at the precipice of her fate, she listened closely for her cue—the door of the roof opening and slamming shut.

And then there was the voice she was looking for.

"Hey Sunshine. How 'bout you step down from that ledge, yeah?"

Lightning didn't bother to physically acknowledge the heavily accented voice behind her. She already knew who it was; she was simply waiting for her to come. It had been nearly three days since their last encounter and subsequently, three days since she'd last attempted to jump. There was something she wanted to know. Had  to know, was more like it.

About what? She could never fully admit to herself that a small part of her with piqued with curiosity when it came to the anomaly that was Fang. Disregarding the fact that meetings had been short, there was something about her that unsettled Lightning. Or was it intrigue?

Her seemingly unconventional way of approaching this sort of situation was a somewhat refreshing turn from the clichéd aspects of the modern world. And yet, who was to say she would encounter Fang today? It was raining. She wouldn't be on the roof painting; the adverse conditions of the weather prevented that. But she had a feeling she would come. She always did. She knew she would.

The rain continued to pour at a steady pace, yet Lightning didn't move from her position, nor did she make a move to jump. She still kept her gaze turned toward the heavens, eyes seemingly devoid of emotion but hazed over with hidden contempt.

Fang sighed, glancing toward Lightning's backside. "Alright, how should we do things today? Guess I can tell you about my day so far since you keep wanting to end yours before it began." Fang began, her voice traveling to the left of Lightning. She appeared to be pacing. "Well, you see I woke up at the bloody crack of dawn, right? This damn dog …" She grimaced, looking down at the bundle of fur currently cradled under her right arm, "…He decides he wants to pee all over the bloody kitchen this morning so I had to clean up that mess. Too stupid to use the god damn doggy pads I spend my damn money on. Anyway, so after I'm done with that mess, I decide that maybe I should take him out for a walk cause he acts like he's got fucking ADHD or something, and walking seems to keep him from going too crazy. Just for a little while, actually. Anyway, right as I come back to the building, I happen to look up to see you standing on the ledge of this roof here with this concentrated look on your face. Looks like you're ready to rip out someone's heart and feed it to them, really."

Lightning didn't acknowledge Fang but saw out of her peripheral vision that she had taken up residence on the ledge, seating herself a few feet away from Lightning. She was cradling a small furry dog in her lap which refused to stay still no matter how hard Fang tried to stop it from moving around.

"Should I say something else? You always seem to react when I talk and don't shut up, right? Hmm …" Fang looked about the roof, and then raised the hyperactive dog up slightly, "By the way, this is Bhakti. The  dumbest eight month old Pomeranian you will ever meet. Eats couches for breakfast, art supplies for dinner, and has a customary barking war with the microwave at approximately nine in the evening every god damn day. Nothing escapes this … special dog. Nothing." Bhakti turned around to glance up at Fang, tongue hanging out his mouth and wagging his tail at her when he heard her mention his name.

Lightning felt herself wavering gently as a cool breeze blew between the two of them, ruffling tendrils of her hair, as the rain began to sink into the fabric of her clothing. She could feel her skin beginning to slightly as the moisture was locked in.

"Got him at a discount at the pet store while my little sister was on her winter break earlier this year. She literally begged and whined for me to get the damn thing and she's not even around to take care of it. Figures." She crossed her legs, leaning forward with Bhakti still cradled in her arms. The pile of fluff was currently burying his face into the starchy material of Fang's worn black hoodie. "As for why we got him on discount … I think the pet store owners knew he was defective. Not like the rest of the litter, ya see? His stupidity is a bit endearing, I admit, but it doesn't make him any less dumb." Fang cocked her head to the side as she ran a hand over the top of Bhakti's head.

There she went again, off at the mouth like it was no big deal that Lightning was standing a few feet away from her about to jump. Not a least bit unnerved by the eccentric woman's behavior, Lightning stood her ground and allowed herself to see how this would play out.

"Anyway, let's say you get down from there, hm? As much as I want to pretend like I'm some guardian angel sent to save you from imminent doom, I'm really not. Ha, hell … can you imagine that? Me? A guardian of anything? Anyone? …Well, I technically am for my little sister … rather was … but she's pretty much an adult by now."

"Then why are you up here?" Lightning murmured, finally deciding it was time to engage Fang. "No one is keeping you here."

Fang looked away from Lightning to gaze down at the street, sixteen stories below. She absent mindedly scratched at the underside of Bhakti's jaw, as her eyes became transfixed on the multicolored array of umbrellas that traveled back and forth on the sidewalk in front of the building. Fang sighed gently, and then closed her eyes, "Wanna know the truth, Sunshine?" Fang began, "Something tells me that I need to be here, with you, right now. Besides the fact that no one should do what you're doing right now, I don't know. I don't make the rules for this cracked up universe, nor do I follow them. Got my heart and intuition for that reason, alone. And intuition is saying to me that the best place for me to be right now is here on this roof top, telling you to come down from there."

"I thought you said that you didn't care if I jumped or not." Lightning questioned monotonously, although her voice seemed to be a bit firmer and louder from before.

Fang shrugged, "Now you're putting words in my mouth. I told you that if you were really serious about jumping, you would have done so already. And okay, so I said that I rarely try and talk people out of what they plan on doing with themselves, but we'll make this exception number one." She sighed again, looking away from the sidewalk and back up at Lightning.

Lightning didn't respond, her gaze still transfixed on the sky above her. The rain had stopped for the time being, but the sky was still cloudy and grey.

Fang moved the fabric of hood away from her face so she could scratch at the back of her head. "I know I said that we all have our days when we wanna cut the cord on life … but …" She ran her hand across Bhakti's head, going to scratch behind one of his pointed ears. "I don't think you want to go just yet. I think you're just looking for an easy way out, to be honest. While I'm at it, guess it wouldn't hurt to ask you again … but … why are you up there anyway? "

"Why do you think I'm up here?" Lightning asked shifting her footing on the ledge, knowing full well that that would get Fang's attention.

Fang's eyes immediately shot to Lightning's feet, and kept her gaze fixated there, before letting her eyes drift up to her face. She uncrossed her legs, and stretched her legs out in front of her. "Well, I can think of a number of reasons. I've heard a few stories about people coming up here to do exactly what you wanted to. Heard most were scared shit less before they even got beyond the stairwell door, though." She paused, her eyes foggy as she searched her memories for something, "Most people, you know, they just come up here looking for a way out. I remember last spring, there was a woman, her name was Nora … nice lady. Lived down the hall from Vanille an' me. Vanille used to babysit for them sometimes …her husband took it really hard; I don't see her son that much anymore. Heard from a few people at the wake that she was depressed and it got to be real bad in the months leading up to when she … you know." She turned to look up at Lightning, "So, is that it? You're not depressed, are ya?"

Lightning didn't say anything, but drew her arms over her chest as if in silent response to Fang's question.

"Okay … so maybe you're not depressed." Fang murmured, "From what I can tell, you don't look like the 'I wanna be in a relationship' type, so we're gonna do away with the possible ex-boyfriend …or girlfriend, if you swing that way, scenario." She paused, looking to the concrete floor of the roof. Her mind seemed to be calculating something in the moment, and once she had her answer, her attention snapped back up to Lightning, "…Hm, do you fear living? Is it that, Sunshine?"

"…There is no fear in death." Lightning stated to no one in particular, wholly diverting the direction of Fang's question. "Only certainty."

"Then why are you still standing around? Why don't you jump?" Fang asked, eyebrows rising in curiosity, "Not like I'm encouraging it, but like I told you before, if you really wanted to kill yourself you wouldn't be standing around, stalling and talking to me right now. …Even if I weren't here, makes me wonder if you'd still go through with it. Maybe so, who knows? Would you?"

"Would you?" Lightning questioned, her eyes shifting quickly in Fang's direction without turning her head.

"Maybe. Providing the circumstances were enough to make me want to do so. I don't know. Depends on how I was feeling I guess. I doubt anyone wants to have an audience while they kill themselves." Fang replied. She crossed her legs again, bouncing one on top of the other as she turned her ankle in continuous circles. "But …like I said, we all think about doing this every now and then. Sometimes it's a fleeting idea when life gets to be too much. So we think, what's left for us? But personally, if I really think about it … I couldn't possibly do it. No matter how shitty things get to be, or can be, nope, no way I'm ending my life until Etro comes for my soul…"

"And?" Lightning asked, expecting Fang to finish as she seemed to have left her thought unfinished.

Fang cleared her throat, putting her hand over the top of Bhakti's head. "Well …you might have heard this before, but life is like a seesaw, you see. Sometimes you're in the sky. Up so bloody high that your feet can't touch the ground and you don't ever see yourself coming down. ..Then you come crashing back down the ground. You feel like you're gonna fall off backwards on that damn seat as you're trying to kick off and push yourself up so you can get right back in the sky." She looked up at Lightning, green eyes bright, "You're just on the ground, right now, Sunshine. Don't worry, you'll kick back up there soon."

Lightning crossed her arms over her chest again, narrowing her eyes at the sky. The thunder and lightning had stopped a little while ago, but the soft drizzle of the rain had returned. The blonde woman shook her head, uncrossed her arms and finally turned around to fully address Fang in her entirety. The tan woman looked back at her with curious green eyes.

Bhakti was still having a fit in her arms. He was alternating between trying to lick her in the face, or burrow his way out of her grip. But she kept firm to the bundle of fur although he whined and barked at her. She turned away from Fang, looking down at the safety of the concrete roof, and then turned back to look at what awaited her, sixteen stories down, on the other side. She crouched down, sitting herself down on the ledge so that her back was to the edge. Lightning turned to look at Fang again, blue eyes searching the other woman for some kind of answer, "You're …seriously not going to leave me alone, are you?"

"As Lady Luck would have it for you, no. Don't have much else that I need to get to but draft a bunch of shitty paintings and let my bills runs late." Fang shrugged, cracking a grin at Lightning. "Besides, karma and stuff, you know. If I left you up here … yeesh, I don't wanna think about what might happen. And yeah, I said before I don't talk people out of what they plan on doing, but as I also said before, you're the exception today, Sunshine."

Lady Luck, huh? Is that what she wanted to call it? Lightning crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. This was the third time this had happened. Each and every time she'd been poised to jump, this woman managed to say something to her that seemed to stop her from doing so.

Lightning didn't want to admit that perhaps what she had to say interested her just a bit. There was some part of her that was screaming at her to stop listening to the delusions of this eccentric woman with her vibrant green eyes and the wild, spastic dog she was harboring in her lap. And then there was another part of her that was saying,  calm down and listen to her for awhile.

"So. Third time's the charm, are you finally going to tell me your name, Sunshine?" Fang asked, rising to stand and face Lightning, "From the looks of it, you don't seem to appreciate that nickname too much, even though I think it fits just fine."

Lightning kept her facial expression neutral; fighting the slight irritation she felt whenever she heard Fang address her as such. She crossed her arms over her chest, mulling the idea over and over again in her head. As if Fang hadn't invited herself into the situation already, giving her a name would be like giving her permanent permission to kick off her shoes, lean back and stay for awhile. She lowered her gaze from Fang's inquisitive visage, and sighed, glancing out toward the foggy horizon.

"Or are we going to play a guessing game?" Fang asked, cocking her head to the side, her smirk growing wider over her lips. Then again, she wanted to figure out what was this oddity, this woman called  Fang . But why?

"While we're on the topic of names, how old are you, anyway?" Fang asked, cocking her head to the side, "You look barely over the age of nineteen …then again, I really can't talk, can I? Physical appearance is no way to determine someone's true age. To me, it's just a bloody number, anyway. A bunch—"

"Lightning." Lightning said, as she cut Fang off in mid-sentence. She turned away from Fang when the other woman turned her piercing gaze back on Lightning. That's all she had to know, a name. Be it real or not. Something else besides that  abominable,  Sunshine.

"Lightning, huh?  Lightning ?" Fang asked, as if for clarification as Lightning started to walk away from her and to the direction of the stairwell. She jiggled, Bhakti in her arms and the dog barked at her in response. She grinned down at Bhakti, before looking back at Lightning, her green eyes blazing. "Well then, promise me you'll stay off the roof, Lightning?"

Lightning merely paused before the stairwell door, her hand hovering over the knob for a second. She didn't owe this woman anything, much less a promise she didn't intend on keeping. And yet, for the sake of making a break for it without any sort of complications or to have her prattling on again, For now …she would. Without a second glance at Fang, she opened the door and she was gone.

As she watched her leave, Fang turned her attention to Bhakti, who turned his head curiously at her. "Think that was a yes?" Fang asked the little dog, cocking her head to the side too. Bhakti barked affectionately at her and she chuckled to herself, "Yeah, I think so, too."

-x-

**Vaaanniilllleeeee. Pick up! You've got a phoneeee call!**

Vanille's wide green eyes cracked opened slightly, slowly turning their gaze on her cell phone that was currently going off on her nightstand. She was  not  in the mood for this when it was so early in the morning. Her head was pounding, bordering on feeling as if it were about to split in half. The world seemed to be spinning, and her eyes felt as if someone had tried to glue them shut before she went to sleep. The phone went off a couple of more times, skidding across the polished wood surface as it repeated again— **Vanille! Pick up! You've got a phone call!**

She pulled her pillow over her head, curling her legs up to her chest as she groaning loudly in response. Who in the  hell  was calling on a Saturday at such a god forsaken hour? The vibrating subsided for a brief moment before it picked right back up again. Her phone vibrated itself off of the nightstand, fell to the carpeted floor and resumed clacking loudly against the side of the wooden object. Vanille sighed, gathering what little energy she could muster to push herself up in bed, and blindly felt around on the floor for the small device.

She blinked, trying to clear her field of vision so she could make out who was calling her.  Fang . Vanille groaned loudly, closing her eyes as she rolled back onto her pillow and flipped her phone open. "Hn'rlo?"

"Up past your bedtime, eh, Vanille?" Fang prompted with an accusatory tone in her voice. She currently had Vanille on speaker phone as she was poised in front of her easel, charcoal in hand.

"M'fine, jus' tired." Vanille managed to stumble out as she turned away from the phone to yawn loudly. "Totally fine."

"Oh, yeah, you're fine all right. You sound like you got trampled by a pack of gorgonopsid." Fang retorted, cocking her head to the side. She leaned forward, grasping the easel with her left hand as she outlined something on the paper in front of her, "And don't tell me you were up late studying, either. I know you. You were out last night, weren't you?"

"No," Vanille began, not even caring if Fang caught her in a lie. She yawned again, using her index finger to brush away the tears that bordered at the corners of her eyes. "…Well, yes. But before you start, I was in early."

"Yeah, I bet you were. More like six in the morning early," Fang laughed gingerly, "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"I dunno, ten? Eleven?" Vanille asked. She couldn't be bothered with rolling over to check the alarm clock on her nightstand at the moment. Her blinds were drawn so she couldn't check out the window to see the position of the sun.

"More like one in the afternoon. At least it is here. Eden's three hours ahead of Oerba, ain't it? So what is it …about four in the afternoon over there?" Fang answered, "And from the sounds of it, your butt is still in bed. Vanille, that's ridiculous. Just what were you doing last night?"

"There was a frat party that ran a little late. And then after I left the party, I grabbed some breakfast at this diner down the street from campus with some friends." Vanille huffed, "And, hush. It's the weekend." Even if she did get in  early  as she had so vaguely explained to Fang, she hadn't meant to sleep so late—or the day away for the matter. She inhaled sharply, wrapping her hand in her flannel sheet and pulled it up as it began to slip off her shoulders.

"No excuse, Missy." Fang started, "And a little late, huh? I thought you said you got in early? And what have I told you about those frat parties? You know I don't like you going to those things."

"I watched my drink the entire night, and if I did set it down, I didn't pick it back up." Vanille covered her mouth to stifle another yawn, "Did you call me just to reprimand me? I thought that was last week. What are you doing right now?"

"I guess you can say I'm drawing…" Fang started, looking away from the easel briefly. She glanced toward the couch to check on Bhakti, and immediately jumped when she saw that the little Pom was underneath the couch gnawing at one of its legs. " EH! STOP THAT! " She snapped, causing Bhakti to snap to and scurry away from the couch. She watched him disappear into the hallway before coming back to cautiously poke his head around the corner to see if she was still looking at him.

Vanille winced at the sharp incline of Fang's voice, "…Is Bhakti eating the couch again?"

"Yeah he is!" Fang crossed her arms over her chest the minute he started to wag his tail, and slinked toward her with wide brown eyes. He cocked his head to the side, and began panting at her. "Oh, no. Don't give me that look. You  know  you what you did."

"How is my little fluffball?" Vanille asked, smiling fondly at the mention of the rambunctious puppy.

"As crazy as ever." Fang replied, slowly turning her gaze away from Bhakti, who had taken up residence by her feet. "Anyway …there was a reason I called you." Fang began, as leaned backed further on the chair she was sitting on and propped her chin on her fingers.

"Besides to reprimand me?"

"Yeah, besides to reprimand you. Vanille, I met someone the other day." She stated shortly. Before Vanille even said anything, it was as if Fang read her mind, "And before you get all excited and trigger happy with the questions, I don't mean in that way."

Vanille scoffed, ignoring how Fang could always pinpoint her ever present predictability, "I wasn't."

"Sure you weren't." Fang snorted, "So, we've had nothing but rain here for the past week or so, you know how weather gets over here. What's it like in Eden?"

"Sunshine all the time." Vanille answered, languidly, "That's why I love coming back here. It seems like—"

"Yeah, yeah, it's all blue skies and sunshine." Fang cut her off short, "Anyway, we had nothin' but rain for awhile, so I haven't been up on the roof that much within this past week. But you know when I finally got up there; this caught me completely off guard. There was a  girl  up there. Never seen her before either …"

"A  girl, huh?" Vanille questioned, a small smile coming to her face, "Was she—"

"Vanille." Fang warned, as she leaned forward to pick up her charcoal again, "I think she might have moved into that empty apartment below us, for some reason. That was a one bedroom, wasn't it?"

"I'm not entirely sure …" Vanille replied, trying to remember.

"Anyway, that doesn't really matter too much. What does matter is I caught her up on the roof about to jump." Fang pressed down harder into the paper, "Scared the  shit  outta me."

" What..." That got Vanille's attention.

"Yeah," Fang replied, "Caught her with her feet hanging over the edge, looking down at the ground as if she were having second thoughts about the whole thing."

"Well, what'd you do Fang?" Vanille asked, holding her head as it began to throb in her excitement.

"What do you  think  I did?" Fang asked, pausing to stare at the phone in disbelief. "I wasn't going to just leave her up there, are you kiddin' me? You'd know what type of karmic hell I'd pay if she had jumped and I had the ability to stop her from going on with whatever backwards ass plans she had? I talked her down, is what I did. Sheesh."

"Right, right. Well what'd she look like? Vanille asked, "Was she cute?"

"What in Etro's name does that have to do with anything, Vanille?"

"I know you, Fang. You never decline to help a person in need—especially if said someone is a cute girl." Vanille rolled her eyes, at the thought.

"Mmm, she wasn't cute …she was pretty. Real pretty…" Fang mused, recalling her former meetings with Lightning, "She has these sad blue eyes. They're like, I can't even describe them. They're blue, but really light … like there's some grey or green mixed into them. And she had the oddest hair. I think it's blonde but it looks kind of pinkish in the sunlight. It's really light though, I can tell you that much. As for personality …can't say much about her there. From the moment I encountered her, it's just been nothing but this cold vibe from her. Like she's gonna glare you to death or something. Didn't deter me any from talking to her though. I gotta admit it amazed me that she stayed silent for so long with the way I was going on."

"You weren't antagonizing her, were you?" Vanille asked, frowning at the thought. "I know how you can be Fang."

"Ha! Like you're any better!" Fang laughed loudly, causing Bhakti to pick up his head from where he was dozing by her feet. "And no, I was simply talking out loud. You know, prattling on about the day, asking her why she was there. Trying to get her to talk so I could figure out what the problem was. She didn't really answer any questions beside her name …or what I think was her name. And she gave me some cryptic statements about death. Oh, and she called me crazy."

"You  are  crazy." Vanille stated, as she slowly sat up in bed. "So, what happened to her?"

"I talked her down from the ledge all three times." Fang muttered, leaning over to fiddle with something in her canvas bag.

Vanille's eyes bugged, " Three times?"

"Yeah," There was an air of indifference in Fang's voice, as if she didn't see the same urgency in the situation that Vanille did. "At any rate, I'm pretty sure she lives in this building. And I resolved that I'm going to find her, because I want to know more about her. Looked lonely, like she really needed someone."

"Why do you always … attract these sorts of people and get yourself into these sorts of situations?" Vanille asked, massaging her forehead and temple with her right hand.

"You think the idea is crazy?" Fang found what she was looking for, pulling a small notebook out of the bag and putting it on the table next to her. "I thought it was kind of … congenial."

"Oerba Yun Fang. Helping out lost souls wherever she goes."

"I'm like a modern day Etro or something. In the flesh." Fang grinned at the thought. "Honestly, though, what do you think of that?"

"I mean …" Vanille groaned, "Ugnnh. Fang, it's too early for these types of questions. My head feels like it's going to split. I can't think about this right now…"

"Suits you right for drinking like you did," Fang smirking slightly at the audible sounds of Vanille's discomfort.

"I thought you were done with reprimanding me," Vanille leaned forward to peer out her window. The sun was beginning to make its steady descent into the horizon. She glanced back at her alarm clock. It was almost four thirty.

"I am …for now." Fang replied, dismissively. "Well?"

Vanille sighed, grabbing a hunk of her hair and pushing it away from her face, "I don't know. I mean, I would be satisfied with stopping her from jumping …you always go that extra mile, Fang."

"Someone has to." Fang snapped, "Too many people out there who don't give a shit or do shit about anything."

"Maybe … but …" Vanille shook her head, "I don't know."

"What?" Fang questioned, "Think it's a bad idea? I'm still going to go through with it, you know."

Vanille sighed, slowly stepping off of her bed and sliding her feet into a pair of fuzzy, yellow, chocobo headed slippers. "I know you will, so does it really matter what I say? We all know how head strong and stubborn you are. No one can ever talk you out of anything."

"No, but I just wanted your input on this."

"Well … I say, go ahead with it. See where it takes you." Vanille sighed. There would be no victory for her in this conversation no matter what she said to Fang.

"Good. We're in agreement then." Fang craned her head around to glance at the clock behind her to check the time, "Alright then. Are you out of bed yet?"

"I'm getting there." Vanille muttered, shuffling tiredly in the direction of her door.

"Good. Go get something to eat. Drink some water, some orange juice or something with vitamins … like a sports drink or something. And if you haven't done so, take your vitamins, got it?"

"Yes, yes, all right." Vanille paused by the door, leaning on her desk chair, "Keep me updated on your … little adventure, okay, Fang? And don't get too ahead of yourself with this. You're right about the idea being a considerate one, but be level headed about this, okay?"

"Am I getting reprimanded now?"

"You do it enough to me." Vanille huffed, crossing her free arm over her chest.

"Fair enough."

"Give Bhakti a big hug for me? I miss him."

"…I might do that." Fang murmured, looking at the dreaming pile of fluff who was twitching by her feet. She inhaled deeply and sighed as she leaned back in her chair.

"Do it!" Vanille demanded, "Anyway, is that all?"

"Yeah that's it. At any rate, I'll call you sometime this week. Let you know how things are going." Fang learned over to pick up a thick book on charcoal techniques from the table and opened to page that she had previously folded down earlier that day. "Love ya, kid. Stay out of trouble and be safe, you hear me?

"Right, I will." Vanille nodded gently, "Okay, then. Love you, too! Bye, Fang!"

"Bye, love." Fang leaned over to hit the speaker button on the phone and exhaled loudly. Losing interest in the book she held in her hands, she folded the page back down and tossed it back onto the table.

She looked about the apartment for a moment, and then turned her attention down at Bhakti who had appeared to have woken up in the time before she ended her conversation with Vanille. He looked up at her in excitement; tail wagging fast as she rose from her chair. She walked over to the coat rack by the door, picking his discarded leash off of one of the hooks and then turned to find Bhakti right behind her, panting loudly. She leaned down to his level, hooking the leash into his collar and grinned widely at him.

"Come on, Bhakti. How about you and I go or a walk, hm?"

-X-

_I didn't willingly choose life, it was given to me._

_No, not given to me. It was forced upon me. Forced upon me until I learned to deal with it. And what am I supposed to do? Accept this? Accept it? What is there to accept? Does it matter if I really accept anything? What does it give me? What am I supposed to accomplish?_

_I imagine myself walking up a long, winding, spiral staircase. I can no longer see where it begins, nor do I have a clue as to where it ends. I keep walking up the endless void, one step after another. Around and around and around I go, never finding an ending or a beginning._

_There's a driving force in this staircase — a stone wall. It somehow prevents me from seeing the bottom, where I once began. It's as if it's an indicator, a marker of places I should go, places that I should be done with. Sometimes if I walk far enough, I can feel its steady rumble as it moves along the stairs. It scrapes loudly against the walls of the staircase, as if it were announcing that it's coming for me specifically._

_If I take a moment to try and stay still, to cease progress, to try to breathe, that stone wall will steadily be pushing at my heels. And when it finally does come, I can feel its cold, jagged and unforgiving surface pressing into my skin, my clothing, my entire body. It will force me to move, preventing me from stagnating. I can try to see what I'm leaving behind as I'm being pushed forward, but there's nothing._

_Slowly but surely, it will erase everything that I've done and force me toward what I have yet to achieve, regardless if whether I'm ready to or not. There is no sense in fighting this life. The stone wall. The spiraling staircase. The void I'm being pushed forward into. Yes, it hurts. But what can I do? Time will keep ticking away, the staircase will keep expanding and the stone wall pressed against my back will forever keep pushing._

_There is no escape from this hell._

-x-

"Bloody hell, would you  calm  down! What the  hell  is wrong with you? We're almost home!"

Fang tightened her hand around and snapped back on the leash controlling Bhakti as the little dog was straining against the cord in resistance. He eventually got the message, turning around to look at Fang with wide brown eyes and began panting. She sighed, shaking her head at the puppy and tugged on the leash as a means of telling him to follow her and he obeyed … to some degree.

Fang stepped toward the door of her apartment building; her hair being ruffled by a cool rush of air as the automatic doors slid open and she stepped into the air conditioned lobby. She nodded politely to the door man, as she let Bhakti toddle over behind the front desk to sniff at his pants leg and then paw at him. He smiled down at the little dog, scratching him affectionately behind the ears. After a minute or two, he retracted his hands and let Fang tug gently at the leash, signaling Bhakti to follow her. She was just about to press the up button on the elevator when she remembered that she had yet to check the mail that day. Removing her keys from her pocket, Fang began to sift through them for her mailbox key.

"Fang?"

Startled by the gruff voice that knocked her out of her reverie, Fang fumbled with her keys as they dropped to the polished floor. Cursing under her breath, she bent down to pick them, raising her head as she rose back up to full height to see who had just called her name. Her eyes instantly brightened in surprise when she saw who it was, "Eh? Oh, Mr. Estheim."

"Please, Bartholomew is just fine." The middle aged man laughed heartedly at Fang's formality. He glanced down at Bhakti who was currently twisting his leash in circles around Fang's right leg, before settling in-between the gap between her two legs, wagging his tail excitedly at the prospect of someone new to interact with. "Taking the dog out for a walk I see?"

Fang glanced down at the pile of fluff currently panting between her legs, and sighed. "More like taking me for a walk. He's a handful of trouble." She began tugging at Bhakti so that she could untangle the leash from between her legs. "How are you? It's been awhile, hasn't it?"

"Yes, yes it has. It's been a bit of a quiet summer..." Bartholomew replied, nodding his head gingerly at the thought. "I took a bit of the season off to rest up some. Hope spent the entire summer with his grandparents back in Palumpolum. He's back in school now."

"Ah … I see. I was wondering why I haven't seen him around much these days." Fang noted, "How is he?"

"He's … holding up." Bartholomew replied, "Just taking things one day at a time. He started high school this year. I still can't believe he's grown up so fast."

Fang laughed at the thought, "Same thing with Vanille. Just seemed like yesterday when she was babysitting him for you, huh?"

"Yes, it does." He nodded in agreement with Fang, "How are the two of you doing by the way? Vanille's in university now, isn't she?"

"Yup," Fang nodded, "She's off in Eden right now in her second year right now. Left at the end of last month, gave me hell trying to get all her stuff back up there, too. She's doing well; I just talked to her earlier today in fact."

"Eden University?" Bartholomew asked, eyebrows rising in intrigue. "North or South?"

"North." Fang answered, tugging at Bhakti's leash so that they were out of the entrance way of the mail room and closer to the mailboxes. She started fiddling with her keys again, trying to find the mailbox key.

"That's amazing." Bartholomew nodded his head in approval, a genuine smile coming to his face.

"Yeah, full scholarship, too. Knows how to make her sister proud, eh?" Fang answered, grinning back at Bartholomew.

"I bet," He nodded, "What's she studying?"

Fang finally found her key, and inserted it into the slot, "She wants to be a veterinarian." She glanced down at Bhakti who was currently tugging at his leash, "Part of the reason I let her get this fur ball after months of begging me. Figure she could get some type of experience by taking care of him ... but it seems as though she's left all the responsibility up to me and she's not around to take care of him, huh?"

Bartholomew glanced down at Bhakti who was now scratching at his ear with his foot, "Hmm …"

Fang pulled out three envelopes—bills, she noted happily—and one magazine from her mail box and lay them all down on the brown ledge underneath the row of mailboxes. "As for me, I'm doing fine. Still working down at that bath and soap shop downtown. And …I'm still painting and drawing, you know, all that stuff."

"I see. Have you thought about possibly submitting your work anywhere?" Bartholomew asked.

"Hmm." Fang mused, closing her mailbox and locking it. "I have a couple of times. Got paid for a couple of commissions last winter and spring … hit a bit of a dry spell this summer, though."

"No inspiration?" He asked.

"Very little." Fang shrugged, "It'll come back in time."

Bartholomew nodded in understanding, "Sometimes you just need to take a break from things and let them sit for little while and then come back and see where you can take it. Correct?"

"Yeah, pretty much." Fang agreed, pocketing her keys, and grabbing her mail from the ledge.

A moment of silence elapsed between the two, probably signaling that either of them should get on to whatever it was that they had planned before their random encounter. Fang tugged at Bhakti's leash, leading him around Bartholomew again. "At any rate, it was nice running into you."

"Yes, yes, you too, Fang."

"Oi, tell Hope I said hello, will ya?" Fang asked as she made her way over to the elevator once again and jabbed at the up button with her thumb.

He nodded, smiling at her. "I will. And likewise with Vanille, will you?"

"You bet I will." She replied.

Bartholomew crossed his arms over his chest, eyebrows furrowed slightly, "Say, Fang?"

"Yeah?" Fang asked.

He looked at Bhakti who was currently looking in his direction, tail wagging and brown eyes bright. He glanced back up at Fang, "Do you think ...getting Hope a dog would be a good idea?"

Fang looked down at Bhakti who turned around to look at her now and started panting, "Sure. As long as you don't get one like this, then sure." She answered, a grin coming to her face. The elevator chimed, and she waved at Bartholomew once more before clicking her tongue and pulling at Bhakti's leash for him to follow her, and boarded the elevator.

-x-

Fang yawned loudly as she brushed her hands over the light switch of the bathroom, turning it off as she stepped out into the hallway. She stifled another yawn and walked over to the front door to check the locks. Bhakti was in the kitchen currently licking at his water bowl, and picked his head up when he heard Fang whistling for him in the arch of the kitchen. He immediately ran over to Fang's waiting arms, and began licking her arms ferociously as she picked him up after turning the lights off in the kitchen.

With one last look at the apartment, she shuffled her tired feet across the floor as she made her way to her room. Leaning on the door, she shut it behind her and let Bhakti out of her arms and let him scamper across the floor to his black pet bed in the corner of her room. After watching him settle down, Fang stretched languidly before falling over onto her plush bed and relishing in the way the comforter enveloped her.

Diverting her attention from the ceiling, she pushed herself up on her elbows and glanced at her nightstand. Pushing herself up further, she leaned over, pulled a drawer open and rummaged around towards the bottom to pull out what she was looking for. She fingered the binding of the small white book, before cracking it open to where she had last written something. Rummaging around in the draw again, she pulled up a pen with a slightly chewed up top.

**9/24**

**Sometimes … I think I get into certain situations for a reason. Or rather, certain things happen to me for a reason. To be quite honest, I'll just be walking around, minding my own business and out of nowhere something'll just happen. And you know, in the moment I'll think nothing of it, but when I step back and start thinking about it I'll always ask myself, "Why in the bloody hell did that just happen to me?"**

**Take today for instance. After placating crazy dog who decided he wanted to have a barking war with—not the microwave this time—but the refrigerator, yesterday morning, I went out later in the day to the book store to get out of the house for a little while. I was just browsing around (while sipping on one of those obscenely sugary caffeinated drinks that Vanille recently got me hooked on) and weaving in and out different sections when I hear someone calling out of me.**

**As soon as I turn around, this guy starts going off about needing someone to help him find sheet music. So I look around me thinking maybe he's addressing someone that worked in the store, but there was no one around but him and me. My first instinct was to tell him that I didn't work in the store, but when I did he still didn't seem to comprehend a word of what I was telling him.**

**I think he was a little special, you know, touched in the head? So I helped him out, didn't wanna leave the poor guy hanging. Told me he got nervous and didn't wanna goof things up when he talked to people, so I tried to help him out by asking the lady at the front desk if they carried any music books.**

**Ha, if I thought the art section of the store was bad—the music section was worse.**

**Anyway, after some more communication blunders, I asked him if he played any instruments, or sung songs or something. And that's when I found out that he was looking for lyrics—not sheet music. I told him he wouldn't find much luck in the book store, so I wrote him a note to take to the library and told him to give it to a librarian cause they'd probably be able to help him out with what he wanted.**

**Sent him on his way afterward and told him that I hope he had Lady Luck on his side. He thanked me—I don't know how many times—but I got the message that the guy was grateful for whatever I did for him.**

**Now you see, that might not really be … big to me necessarily, but I'm pretty sure he was grateful that someone gave him the time of day instead of brushing him off. It was nice I suppose. Hope the guy found what he was looking for … made my day a little brighter to tell you the truth.**

Fang paused in thought, chewing on the end of her pen lightly as she tried to recall the events of the past few days. Turning the page, she pressed the pen against the starchy paper and began writing again.

**I ran into Bartholomew the other day—Hope's father. First time in a long time, actually. It was nice seeing him. On the outside he seems to be a lot more put together than he was around the time when Nora passed. I know he and Hope have a bit of a way to go, though. I think they'll be okay. He asked me what I thought about him getting Hope a dog … and honestly, I think the kid could use the companionship. I'll only admit this here, but as retarded and intolerable Bhakti can be, I've grown to be a bit fond of the giant fluff ball ...despite his apparent lacking of a generous helping of brain cells.**

Fang glanced down at Bhakti who was currently nestled into bed; his eyes closed and quiet for once. She bit her lip before she added another line to her last paragraph.

**… But all the while lovable, and I don't think I'd have him any other way.**

She smiled glancing up at the puppy briefly again before she kept writing.

**Had another encounter with Lightning—yes, I got a name this time, so I can stop calling her Sunshine for the time being. On second thought, I won't. I think the nickname fits her perfectly.**

**Anyway, two days ago, I was coming back from walking Bhakti cause he was—once again—acting like he lost his bloody mind. I heard this particularly nasty roar of thunder go off, so I looked up at the sky and there she was. Staring up at the sky … actually, it was more like glaring up at the sky. Cause she doesn't stare, she glares. It's like she's trying to kill you with her eyes. Doesn't unnerve me one bit though.**

**Anyway, I immediately grab Bhakti up in my arms—who was in the process of nearly choking himself on a lamp post—and immediately ran into our apartment building, and up the stairs to get to Sunshine before she did anything stupid.**

**You know, the odd thing is it's almost like she was waiting for me. To see if I would come and stop her once again? Yeah, so I talked her down after she was being a hard ass and asking me all these weird questions and giving me a buncha cryptic statements like, "There is no … there's no …**

Fang scratched her head with the edge of the pen, frowning slightly as she tried to recall what Lightning had said to her yesterday morning. Her eyes immediately brightened once she remembered, and pressed the pen against the paper again.

**" There is no fear in death, only certainty." As fucked up as it sounds, I guess there's some truth in that. I mean when you're dead, you're bloody dead. But, ah, not exactly. No one really knows what happens after death, do they? So, agh, she's not right. People fear the unknown all the time, so there's no certainty in anything. So nope, no points for you, Sunshine. She loses this round. I think I'll bring that up with her next time I see her. I told Vanille about her the other day. She told me I was crazy as usual and that I should be careful messing around with someone like Sunshine. But it's hard not to.**

**There's something about her that I want to know. …Maybe need to know. I just don't know what it is yet.**

Fang glanced down at the page again, reading over what she had just wrote before she capped her pen. She leaned over by her nightstand to pull the drawer out again and dropped the small white notebook along with her pen into it. Glancing at Bhakti one last time, she leaned over to turn out the lamp before rolling back over onto her side and settling into bed.

-x-

Fang kicked open the door to the roof, barely wincing as the door slammed against the side of the brick wall. She caught the door before she allowed it to slam back, and pushed it closed behind her.

Fang adjusted the thick, sangria colored pashima scarf she had thrown around her neck that morning, as a gentle breeze wafted through the air. The customary light chill of an autumn morning had yet to set in, but the wind felt fresh and new on her face. Clear, clean, she inhaled deeply and sighed contently. She glanced up at the sky, light green eyes bright as she greeted the breaking dawn with a smile.

Her gaze drifted down from the cloudless blue sky to the figure currently perched on the ledge of the roof. She began advancing to the lithe form immediately, all thoughts of the beautiful morning already flying from her mental processes. She adjusted her stance as she leaned heavily toward her right, one hand balled up on her hip as she slowly cocked her head in curiosity.

Lightning's legs were crossed over the edge, her left hand gripping the concrete ledge, while her right was resting in her lap. Although she was gravitating slightly toward her left, her posture was straight and rigid and she had her head turned toward the sky. Her cornflower blue eyes were seemingly fixated on the sun breaking through the mountains in the horizon as morning came to Oerba once again.

There was a black sweater draped over her shoulders, perhaps to protect her from the morning chill. Fang's eyebrows raised in curiosity this time, as she observed the fair skinned woman. “I knew it would only be a matter of time before you appeared." Lightning began, before Fang even opened her mouth.

Fang felt her lips steadily curve into an amused grin, "And just how did you know it was me, Sunshine?" She shifted her weight again, letting her drawing pad slip out from underneath her left arm and balanced it against the curve of her hip. "Could have been someone else, you know?"

Lightning mentally scoffed, the emotion only registering on her face in the slight tightening of her lips and the way her eyes seemed to narrow. "I highly doubt that."

Fang's grin softened as she made her way over to the flaxen haired woman and shifted the pad into her lap as she took up residence near Lightning. While Lightning sat facing the sun, Fang sat in the direction from whence she came, looking toward the opposite end of the roof. She opened up the pad, laying it firmly across her lap. Procuring a pencil from out of the oversized pockets of her jeans, she began tracing an outline on to the paper.

The two of them sat in what could possibly be considered 'companionable silence' as they welcomed in the new day. Fang was content with her drawing while Lightning still had her gaze turned toward the sunrise, her mind racing in thought. It unnerved her a bit that Fang seemed to be a bit less loquacious as she had been in days past. What was she waiting for to speak? Usually she would have gone into some useless and seemingly mundane tirade about anything and everything by now.

Her piercing eyes deviated from the horizon to gaze at Fang who was sitting at her side. Fang's hair partially obscured half of her face, and she was hunched over the pad, her right hand working in a frenzy as a picture steadily came together on the paper before her. Lightning shifted her head in latent curiosity.

"Something on your mind?" Fang questioned, her accent hardly belying the mirth in her voice. She stopped momentarily, green eyes shifting toward Lightning for a brief moment.

Unperturbed that she was caught while she was staring at the tan woman; Lightning shifted her eyes from the pad, up to meet the challenge in Fang's eyes. "Why do you draw?" She asked, as Fang went back to her work.

Fang shrugged her shoulders, "Why not?" She paused, taping her pencil against the pad, "Always have, now that I think about it. I've gotta do something to keep myself occupied outside of  work …  or at the very least  sane  for that matter . Thinking about it now, you know what they should do? They should really rename work to something like  torture .  Work my  ass ."

Lightning dropped her eyes from watched Fang's face, turning her attention the black markings on the woman's shoulder. The top part was partially obscured by her shirt, but she could vaguely make out what appeared to be the most likely the interpretation of a head of a beast and what she thought to be teeth. And the seeds of Fang's unconventionality only seemed to grow more in Lightning's mind.

"But that doesn't really answer the question … does it?" She picked her head up, to glance at Lightning in question. She silently noted the interest Lightning seemingly expressed in her tattoo, as she caught the other woman looking away as quickly as she had looked up. Slight smirk on her face, Fang diverted her attention away from Lightning and to glance at the rising sun that was now hovering just above the distant mountain range. "Why do I draw, hm? Well like I said, it's something to do I guess. Can't really call it a passion, but I can't seem to give it up. Kind of like I've been doing it for so long, what will I have without it? What about you, Sunshine? There anything else you do besides playing with your life on top of rooftops?"

"I came to watch the sun rise." Lightning's voice dropped as she placed both hands in her lap, folding one over the other. "It's the first time I've actually sat and watched it in it's entirety since I've been here."

"Here?" Fang questioned, eyebrows rising in curiosity.

Lightning lowered her gaze from the sky, but said no more. She seemed to be thinking about something again.

Fang shrugged, turning away from the sun and turned back to her drawing pad. "…You know, in a few days, the days are going to start getting shorter around here. Autumn comes pretty quickly to Oerba … it's almost as if summer was never here." She began tapping her pencil against the drawing pad again, "Honestly, I prefer early summer mornings for painting, though. The view is a lot more beautiful. But as this bloody humidity and brazen heat taper off in favor of the cooler and crisp feeling of autumn…it just seems to inspire me more. Yeah, the sky loses its brilliance and things start becoming all murky and muddled … but I think in autumn … the beauty of things become a lot more subtle. It's definitely a nice change of pace from the summertime."

"Hm." Was Lightning's non-committal response as she still kept her gaze lowered to the folded hands in her lap.

"The trees are going to start changing, it's really beautiful ..." Fang crossed her legs, bouncing one on top of the other. "I tend to draw a lot more than paint in the fall, now that I think about it. A lot more charcoal stuff, too. It gets to be too much to lug all that stuff up here on the roof all the time, so I just draw stuff on this pad when the inspiration strikes."

Lightning grunted in response, flexing her fingers gently in her lap before she folded them in her lap again.

"So, since we're asking questions and getting to know each other today ...Lightning?" Fang began, noting the brief and slight moment Lightning appeared to bristle when her name slipped from Fang's lips. "You said something to me the other day that I want to ask you about."

Lightning's gaze was still fixated on her hands, "Yes?"

Fang laid her pad on the ledge next to Lightning and pushed herself up to stand at full height. She stretched, pressing her hands into her back, and sighed in relief as her bones cracked. She put her hands on her hips, and began pacing the roof slowly, "Been thinking about it for awhile, and I think I'd like to question you on this. A couple of days ago, you told me that there is no fear in death … only certainty. You truly believe this?" Fang turned around; arms crossed over her chest and gazed at Lightning's back side.

"I no longer have that desire anymore. Your question isn't necessary." Lightning muttered.

Fang shrugged, "I didn't ask that, I just want to know if you believe what you said."

Lightning unfolded her hands from over her lap, and loosely crossed them over her chest. She looked to the light blue sky above, watching a few wispy clouds being pushed along in the sudden breeze that was starting to develop. "It's not a matter of believing. It's a matter of knowing. The only thing that precedes death is the act of living, and that in of it is mostly short lived. Everything is a muddled existence of maybes and what ifs. In death, there is finality. It's the end of things, the final jump after the apex."

"But you don't even know what happens after death." Fang countered, "There could be a whole new set of challenges set before us. You never know if the reprieve you seek from death will put you right back at the start of things. What about ancient concepts of rebirth and reincarnation? Do right in one life; you're surely to be granted even greater happiness and riches in the next. Or purgatory for that matter? What if that ending you're looking for doesn't come as quickly as you want?"

"And is there any truth to such teachings?" Lightning asked, "Is there any proof to the follies perpetuated by the generations of old? We're told from the moment that we're born that the afterlife promises us so much more than the supposed  joy  of living. They're all tales, fables, legends made up by people who needed something better to look forward to. They were something that balanced out the pain and suffering they endured while wandering the plains of this earth. They liken them to a shimmering star accompanied by the light of a smiling moon, shielding you from the darkness of a barren night. Or perhaps the warmth of a fire to luxuriate by in the midst of a cold unforgiving winter. People need something to look forward to get by."

"And in death you think there's salvation?" Fang replied monotonously. "Or rather, that's what you used to believe, right?"

Lightning was silent for a moment and then spoke, "I said before that it's not a matter of believing. It's a matter of knowing. Life, as I mentioned before it just one big uncertainty. You never know what might happen at any given moment. We lie to ourselves so that we may live with a false notion of safety, hope, prosperity. We believe that our lives will keep going at a steady rate, that we could never endure a personal atrocity, it will always happen to someone else. And this is the biggest fabrication of false hope that we can tell ourselves, just so we can get through with the day, the week, the months … years, our lives."

"Now that's no way to live at all." Fang shook her head at Lightning's pessimistic monologue, placing her hands back on her hips. "Is this how you go about your life day to day life? Or rather, is that the type of attitude you're going to adopt for the rest of your life? Just waiting for the day that you die? Doesn't matter what you do, just going to die anyway, huh? You just gonna lie around like a bloody vegetable, scowling at the world till it blows up, huh? Are you  sure  you aren't depressed?"

"I didn't ask for your opinion." Lightning replied coldly, moving her left hand to grasp the edge of the ledge, and leaning over slightly. "You wanted an answer and I gave you one."

"And a depressing one at that," Fang replied. "You're telling me there's nothing in your life that you look forward to? No one that makes life worth the hassle? Yeah, fuck it. It's shit sometimes, but shit is always going to happen. It's inevitable. But you know what you do? You pick yourself up, and you keep going. Because what's the sense is wallowing? Doesn't that get old?"

"For some people ... that doesn't matter at all." Lightning shook her head, "People get tired of fighting. They want to give in. Even the strongest fall at times. One single thing can send someone spiraling into the deepest pits of hell."

Fang snapped, her nose twitching in disgust, "Well then perhaps those people need a good punch in the face to snap them out of that mushy shit. I don't buy it. I don't care if it's too idealistic or optimistic. Fuck that."

"Some people just aren't that strong." Lightning whispered lowly, so that Fang barely heard her.

"What?" Fang asked, turning to look at Lightning again.

Lightning was silent as she pushed herself back from the ledge, carefully shuffling her bare feet into her flat shoes before standing up to face Fang who was standing a few feet away from her. "To answer your question, there was someone." Lightning replied as she drew her black sweater in around her to protect herself from the chilly breeze blowing across the roof. Her voice was lacking tone, as if someone had severed the range of her vocal cords. She walked past Fang who watched her with rapt and silent attention. She grasped the handle on the door, pausing as she waited for Fang to respond.

"Was?" Fang asked, her voice laden with interest.

"My sister." Lightning began, turning away from Fang as she opened the door, and let it close softly behind her.

_She died._


End file.
